______________________________________________________

 ENDORSEMENTS 

 ________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

____________________________________________________________________________

 REVIEWS 

New Harbinger: "The White Knight Syndrome" Book Review                        By Stephanie Mojica                                                                               Associated Content/ Health & Wellness

I'm going to start this review in a nontraditional way by admitting I suffer from "The White Knight Syndrome."  Because I am a freelance writer and journalist, I often have the luxury of selecting books I wish to review. I knew this book applied to my life perhaps better than any other work ever has when I saw the title on New Harbinger's website - so I requested it. 

I've read a number of New Harbinger-published books in the past as I've recovered from the effects of playing the role of the white knight, but never saw or read a book that described this phenomenon as well as this one authored by Mary C. Lamia and Marilyn J. Krieger.

 And another advantage is that even though both women hold Ph.D's, it is not riddled with that all-too-often used and sometimes hated word "codependency."

 At first it was hard to admit that someone like myself who has been rather successful in life (not many people can honestly say they sat down and interviewed Hillary Clinton while she was running for the presidential nomination) has been so closely entwined with people who need re-parenting (or in some cases, simply securing a steady job might have done wonders) more than a romantic partner. So if you see the title of this book and hesitate, or open the book and close it many times over, know that you are not alone."White knights" as described in Lamia and Krieger's rather thorough masterpiece usually seek to repair childhood wounds by unconsciously attracting romantic partners who are in financial and/or emotional need. This book discusses the different types of white knights, including those who are also emotionally or physically abusive and how to break childhood patterns and focus on rescuing yourself.

 "The White Knight Syndrome" is not an indictment on rescuing and spends a good amount of ink discussing the art of being a balanced rescuer. Helping people is not always self-destructive. The aim of the book is to help those who have focused more on trying to gain love from damaged people than nurturing themselves.

Those who are truly white knights will likely see himself or herself mentioned many times over in Lamia and Krieger's book. There are also a number of self-reflection questions offered at the end of chapters, which can be helpful as a writing therapy tool or discussion with a therapist or perhaps a 12-step sponsor from a program such as Al-Anon, Codependents Anonymous, or Sex and Love Addicts Anonymous.

 This is not a book that advocates any particular therapeutic model or how to change the rescued (though characteristics of people who usually seek white knights are discussed.) It is potentially a powerful tool to promote true self-help, the kind that is not dependent on a romantic partner, family member, therapist, or particular support group.

 But on another nontraditional note and in hopes of helping others starting on this recovery path, I will review some things (besides this book) that have helped me repair the financial and emotional damage I suffered from being the overly empathetic white knight described in "The White Knight Syndrome."

1. Support groups of all kinds (depending on your situation, you can select from privately run groups, those at a domestic violence center, or 12-step programs including those mentioned previously as well as Debtors Anonymous.)
2. Therapy.
3. Meditation, especially Zen Buddhism.
4. Yoga, especially Kundalini yoga.
5. Chanting through Sikhism and Kundalini yoga principles.
6. Audiobooks and books from authors like Thich Nhat Hanh, Pema Chodron, Dr. Wayne Dyer, and Melody Beattie.
7. Writing down every dime I spend.
8. Giving donations to charities (my particular interest relates to domestic violence.)
9. Calling or e-mailing people on similar paths on a daily, or close to daily, basis.
10. Breaking all contact with the last two men I chose to try to rescue.

_________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Reviewed by Meghan Harris, Psy.D.

Relationships are based on many factors:  love, lust, compatibility, and common interests.  But there are other, more complex layers to our motivations in mate choice.  Who among us hasn't witnessed a friend trying to "fix" a new romantic partner?  Or been attracted to someone ourselves because we feel able to "help" that person?   When these dynamics go awry they create unhealthy patterns of behaviors, and beliefs, which Drs. Lamia and Krieger have designated as the "White Knight Syndrome."  This book excels at explaining and categorizing different dynamics in romantic relationships that start out "helpful" and end up hurtful.  The authors describe different types of rescuers and illustrate each with a vivid, relatable vignette.  Part of what makes the book so compelling is that it is nearly impossible to read without finding aspects of yourself or other important people in your life!

Drs. Lamia and Krieger have done an outstanding job in presenting these complex dynamics in an informative, understandable, relatable fashion.  In giving such rich examples of white knight behaviors and their origins, readers discover the "whys" of behavior, both their own and other people's.   Crucially, the book also offers a complete portrait of what healthy alternatives look like: a "balanced rescuer."  The authors don't pathologize the wish to nurture, or even to help a partner.  They simply help to distinguish when helpful behavior becomes unhealthy; that is, when helping our partner is actually a misguided attempt to help ourselves.
 

Therapists will revel in the book, and clients will find it useful and illuminating.  One can only hope that all therapists embrace it as a new and powerful tool in their arsenal, as its pragmatic advice is thoughtful and sound. 

A major strength of the book lies in its summations: the "Thinking About It" boxes at the end of chapters are well-crafted, explicit tools for self-reflection.  In these, the authors save the best for last, including clear, practical suggestions for how to cope, learn from the past, and restore self worth.  Readers who use these will be wisely taking advantage of an unprecedented bargain of personal psychotherapy from two masters in their field.
_____________________________________________________________________________________
 

Reviewed by Ira Steinman, M.D.

Mary Lamia and Marilyn Krieger have written a self-help book about the psychodynamics and treatment of those with “a need to rescue,” termed the White Knight. Though the manuscript is not primarily about or for the healing professional, there is much in this well written, academically grounded and clinically oriented book that will entertain and instruct those of us involved in the practice of psychotherapy.

For this is a unique and compelling work. Unique, in that it is replete with academic references to buttress the theory and practice of treating those afflicted with the need to rescue. Compelling, in that it is filled with insightful and psychodynamically based case illustrations that flesh out the theoretical overview.

According to the authors, each with more than thirty years of clinical experience—Lamia is also a professor at the Wright Institute in Berkeley, there are 4 main types of rescuers, 3 of whom are termed White Knights.  There is 1/ the Overly Empathic White Knight who “fears emotional distance”; 2/ the Tarnished White Knight who “wants to be loved and appreciated”; 3/ the Terrorizing/Terrified White Knight, who is “most likely to have experienced overwhelming fear and shame as a child”; and 4/ the Balanced Rescuer who “is sensitive to the needs of others and practices altruism for its own sake.” Of course, no categorization of types of rescuers would be complete without the Temporary White Knight, he or she who temporarily slips into an “unhealthy rescuing relationship” as the result of stress or trauma.

Each of the types of rescuers has a certain personality profile. Each acts in predictable ways, depending on the influence of the factors leading to the type of character formation described. With such knowledge supported by excellently written and informative case studies of each type of White Knight, the hope is that the White Knight lay reader “will better understand your own relationship dynamics and lead you to make better choices in your intimate relationships.”

The same applies to the practicing clinician presented with such rescue relationship-seeking patients. The information presented in this thoughtful and stimulating book will help ground and flesh out our treatment of such patients, hopefully allowing us to better conceptualize and treat the often shifting and resourceful rescuer we face in clinical practice.

I only hope that the psychiatric reader doesn’t wonder too hard and long about his or her own reasons for being a member of the healing professions, so often oriented toward rescuing his or her patients. After all, the subtitle of the book is “Rescuing Yourself from Your Need to Rescue Others.”

Yet, all irony aside, we all know colleagues who ran afoul of their own need to rescue by becoming hopelessly mired in counter transference situations where they tried to do the psychological work for their patients, when the work required was really within their own lives, dealing with the traumatic or neglectful aspects of their own upbringing that caused them to go into the field of psychiatry to begin with. This book delineates the character types and subtypes of the rescuer without touching on the subject of the motivation of those who choose to heal and rescue.

For the practicing psychiatrist, confronted by these needy and need satisfying patient rescuers, it is well to remember Robert Wallerstein’s sage advice: the gratification for our work is in the practice of our craft, not in the results. Mary Lamia and Marilyn Krieger have raised important clinical and therapeutic considerations. I’m looking forward to another tome, perhaps a sequel, on the rescuer in clinical medical, psychological, and psychiatric practice.